I Am Here
by pokeitlikejello
Summary: A brief little dip into Quinn's relationship with religion and God. Oneshot.


"_Trust in the Lord with all your heart; and don't lean on your own understanding. In all things acknowledge him, and he shall direct your way." Proverbs 3:5, 6_

She wouldn't tell you she heard voices. They weren't loud or demanding. She wasn't being told to "go tell it on a mountain" or anything. Nothing was even being asked of her. But still, she knew, it was not normal.

It was during quiet times. In church, when she'd be thinking about what she was going to buy at the mall later and everyone got quiet right before the priest was about to pray, she'd hear it. _"My child."_ Her head would snap up so fast, anyone who noticed probably thought she nodded off and suddenly awoke. Yes, she awoke, but she hadn't been asleep.

Other times, it was in the morning, when she was alone and it was a Saturday, so she could wake up on her own, no school or church to attend. She wouldn't be quite awake yet and she would swear she heard someone._ "I am here."_

Her sister used to tell her the attic was haunted by a mean old lady who died up there. She said they took her body away, but they never could get rid of the smell of her perfume, that was why their mom cleaned so much all the time. When Quinn had nightmares for an entire week, her mother finally explained that they were the first people to ever live in the house, that it was built for them.

Quinn didn't believe her. She told Santana she had to bring her Ouija Board over. They spent the whole night in the attic trying to contact the dead lady with no luck, but they did find out that Santana was going to french kiss a boy by the end of summer. Before falling asleep, Quinn silently asked if she was special, someone meant for great things. The next morning, the Ouija pointer was on YES.

As Quinn grew older, she believed she truly was chosen by God. After all, the priest taught about how God loved all his children, how some of them were so special, they were chosen to spread his word. Moses wrote the ten commandments and Mary birthed God's only son.

Still, she never shared these thoughts with anyone. After all, she was really into painting her nails and flirting with boys and she didn't want anyone to think she was crazy. When it was time, she'd let everyone know how special she was going to be and the great things she was going to do.

In high school, she became president of the Celibacy Club. After all, she was one of the most popular girls in school and all the boys wanted her, but she needed to abide by her religious beliefs. She needed to make sure she wasn't a harlot. She didn't hear the voices anymore, the ones that told her she wasn't alone, and she thought maybe she had been too distracted by material things. She was considering going back to her roots, going simpler, maybe even quitting the Cheerios... well, maybe not.

And then she got herself pregnant.

When she realized this, she convinced herself for an entire week that it was an Immaculate Conception and that having sex with Puck didn't count... but she knew that wasn't going to fly and there was no way she would allow Puck to be the father of her baby, so she thought up the hot tub story to tell Finn. If Joseph could believe Mary got knocked by God, Finn would totally believe he got Quinn pregnant with help from a hot tub.

The night she was kicked out of her parents' home, Finn had allowed her to come home with him. After all, it was the only right thing to do after that mess. Once he was asleep and the house was quiet, Quinn snuck out and walked. It would have been scary if she actually cared for herself in that moment. She felt lost and alone. She went to church, the first Catholic church she saw.

The doors were unlocked, which didn't surprise her. It was a little too dark inside for her liking, but she entered anyway. There was no one around and her footsteps echoed lightly as she approached the pews. She didn't go too far before sitting down, the bench creaking.

Her tears fell fast and she quickly placed her face in her hands as she sobbed. She completely wrecked her life and there was no way God would think she was chosen anymore. She was surprised the holy water didn't burn when she blessed herself upon entering the church.

"You are not alone."

Her head snapped up. "God?"

"No, just me."

Quinn sniffed and turned a little, looking back and seeing the priest. He was dressed in a black shirt and slacks and wearing a white collar.

"Oh, sorry, Father." She stood, embarrassed by her tears. "If you want me to go..."

"You don't have to go," he assured her with a kind smile. "Would you like to talk?"

She sat back down and scooted over, allowed him to sit beside her. After letting out a deep breath, Quinn's words left her softly. "Do you think... if they had, like, abortions two thousand some years ago that Mary would have considered it? I mean, if back then was like now and she was just pregnant... who would want that? Especially if they didn't even have se—um, relations."

He leaned back against the pew, thinking. "Well... that's an interesting question, I'll give you that. What do you think?"

"I don't know..." Quinn shrugged. "I guess it doesn't matter because she didn't have the option."

"But you do," he replied.

A look of horror crossed over her face. "Oh no, please don't tell me I'm showing already." She looked down and tried to determine if it was really that noticeable.

"No." The priest gave a small chuckle. "I just intuit well. Besides, your questions were a good hint."

Quinn became silent as she looked down at her lap. "I can't have this baby."

"Why?" the word was nonjudgmental, simply curious.

"I am meant for great things," she spoke quietly again, tears falling. "Babies aren't great."

"They are to someone who wants one, especially those unable to conceive," he replied gently and Quinn looked back up at him.

"You think I should, like, give it away."

"I think you know in your heart what to do," he said. "And that you know you could never end that child's life."

"Thou shall not kill," she quoted and drew in a breath.

"Yes." He nodded with a slight smile.

"I just don't think I can do this," Quinn spoke honestly. "My family doesn't even support me. Do you know what the kids at school will do to me? What they'll say? I can't..."

The priest reached into his pocket and pulled out a small bible. He flipped through the pages, briefly looking over the ones that were dog eared. Finally, he stopped and handed the book to Quinn. "Read that, there."

"'Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord, thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.'" She looked over at him when she finished reading.

"It may not be an easy road, but God is with you," he told her gently. "He always will be."

"But I made a mistake." One her parents weren't going to accept.

"And God forgives you," the priest replied.

"I should go..." It was late and Quinn did need some sleep. She stood and held the Bible out to the priest.

He stood and stepped out of the pew, waving her away. "Keep it."

"But it's yours," she insisted. "You've... marked up all the pages..."

"For you."

Quinn closed the Bible and headed toward the back of the church. She smoothed her thumb over the cover and then paused at the doors. She turned back toward the church to thank the priest, but he was gone. Goosebumps rising, she dipped two fingers into the holy water, blessed herself, and headed out of the church.


End file.
